Shannon (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} keltickolor) wrote,@ 2009-02-23 07:06:00 |
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What am I DOING?
I must be crazy. This guy is sweeping me off my feet, and it is stupid. I can’t figure out if I am just trying to drown break-up pain in fixation or if this kid is actually....something special. I mean. This is a booty call, and I am getting a little stupid about it.
We fell asleep facing eachother, holding eachother, each with one half of the headphones, listening to the drum parts of various songs.
And that’s another thing - his music. Not great, not terrible. Not something I could usually stomach. Neither terribly interesting nor talented. He picks music based on the talent of the drummer. Dire Straights? Boys Night Out? And yet I cannot stop listening to it.
It can’t be healthy. I just left one of the best relationships of my life - stable, steady, loving, devoted. I just realised yesterday that I only slept with one person my whole senior year of high school. Just one. Just steve. And I didn’t even realise it! I mean, I got bored. Of course I did. I got scared of commitment. Of course I did. But it wasn’t a break up with some real reason, in hindsight, to end it. Not one with something that was wrong (like ’he liked to stick needles in my back’) or anything. Just distance.
So what is up with me being so fixated on this guy who admitted he was relieved it was just some quasi-booty call? Some distant, easy guy who teases me as much as anything? I am such a mess, not sleeping, barely getting through school, and now gamma has moved all its events up to 815 and I am going to have to miss a bunch of them because of my 6-9pm class. What is it about this guy that makes everything so goddamn easy?
I am not this kind of girl. I don’t get needy or attached easily. But there is something special about him. Something very scary and full of terrifying potential.
I must be crazy. This guy is sweeping me off my feet, and it is stupid. I can’t figure out if I am just trying to drown break-up pain in fixation or if this kid is actually....something special. I mean. This is a booty call, and I am getting a little stupid about it.
We fell asleep facing eachother, holding eachother, each with one half of the headphones, listening to the drum parts of various songs.
And that’s another thing - his music. Not great, not terrible. Not something I could usually stomach. Neither terribly interesting nor talented. He picks music based on the talent of the drummer. Dire Straights? Boys Night Out? And yet I cannot stop listening to it.
It can’t be healthy. I just left one of the best relationships of my life - stable, steady, loving, devoted. I just realised yesterday that I only slept with one person my whole senior year of high school. Just one. Just steve. And I didn’t even realise it! I mean, I got bored. Of course I did. I got scared of commitment. Of course I did. But it wasn’t a break up with some real reason, in hindsight, to end it. Not one with something that was wrong (like ’he liked to stick needles in my back’) or anything. Just distance.
So what is up with me being so fixated on this guy who admitted he was relieved it was just some quasi-booty call? Some distant, easy guy who teases me as much as anything? I am such a mess, not sleeping, barely getting through school, and now gamma has moved all its events up to 815 and I am going to have to miss a bunch of them because of my 6-9pm class. What is it about this guy that makes everything so goddamn easy?
I am not this kind of girl. I don’t get needy or attached easily. But there is something special about him. Something very scary and full of terrifying potential.
